why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
