i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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