You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think a kid would responsible me up
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
