420 ftw
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
