Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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