Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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