a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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