I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
