she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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