There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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