i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
