did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
