I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
