my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize