yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
