Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
