who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
