Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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