I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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