Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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