Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
