yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
