Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
