i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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