I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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