If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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