fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
