my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
