Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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