I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
