If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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