He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
