Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
