Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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