she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
