the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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