did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
