stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
