My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
