im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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