And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
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Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
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maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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