i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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