Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
