It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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