He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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