He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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