Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
