D3 body, D1 cock
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
