Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
