after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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