Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
