hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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