I can text with my tongue
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
