After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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