Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
