i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
