chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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