she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
