If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm like, not good at living.
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