ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
