Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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