STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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