You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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