you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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