my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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