go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
