I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
