I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
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