he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
