how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
