What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
