i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
