well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
