I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
