If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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