another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
