so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
