Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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