You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
