So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
