somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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